theequeerstrian:

i-am-dulaman:

The best thing about new zealand english is we get to pick and choose what we like from american english and british english.

The bad thing is that sometimes we choose wrong.

Like. Americans have fries and chips vs brits have chips and crisps. Both valid.

Here? We have chips and chips.

Youd think it’d be fine and that you can figure out which one a person is talking about from context but trust me a good percentage of the time you cannot. And often the person will try to differentiate them by clarifying they meant “Potato chips” only for them to realise a second later that both chips are made from potatoes

I shouldn’t make fun but that last part is DEEPLY hilarious to me

(via iseisebabyy)

cipheramnesia:

anais-ninja-bitch:

whats-a-bear:

ikimowo:

whats-a-bear:

“we should breed and ask our offspring what they think” has quickly become my favorite way to respond to someone disagreeing with me

I disagree!

you know what has to happen now

this feels like what my parents did, and let me tell you, they’re neither of them happy with my rulings

The system working as intended.

(via caputvulpinum)

new heresy that makes the bible way funnier:


roach-works:

god genuinely had no idea that people would be able to disobey him, when he made them. angels couldn’t! everything in the universe was just an extension or a reflection of god himself, operating in perfect mechanical order. then he put a spark of his own creative consciousness in an animal and it turned out it could disobey him.

like, that’s why he told adam and eve not to access a perfectly accessible tree. nothing else in the universe up until that point would have done something he told them not to.

that’s why he asks cain a perfectly ridiculous question, given that he would have watched the murder happen right in front of him: where is your brother? what did you do to him? he didn’t know cain could lie. even when adam and eve disobeyed him, surprising absolutely everyone involved, they hadn’t figured out lying yet. cain figured out lying.

that’s why god decides to destroy humans and start over only a few centuries later. he has no idea what to do. not only are people disobeying and lying to him, they’ve started completely ignoring him, too. he can control the wind, the water, the plants, the animals, the angels, the heavens, the earth. but he cut a part of himself loose and gave it to this totally unique new critter and now he can’t get it back. he can’t make anyone do anything, and now they know it. he had to carve humanity back down to the one family that actually, for whatever reason, still listened to him, and he had to ride them pretty fucking hard from that point onward to make sure they didn’t just….. stop. because at any point basically any human, ever, even the ones who liked him, could just randomly decide to fuck off and do their own thing.

then like, according to christians, god thought maybe he could get a handle on whatever the fuck was going on with how bad humans were being by making another human who had even more god in him than all the other humans, and that didn’t work either. and also even jesus himself didn’t know what humans were going to do next, which was kill him young. like, god had to break the news to him based on an educated guess, and it was a big surprise to him! he was really upset! there’s a whole scene!

like, i think this is hands down the funniest fucking thing to conclude about god ever. he didn’t know it was going to turn out like this when he started and he didn’t know what to do when it did. he’s been basically scrambling to stay on top of the situation for six thousand years and he’s totally beefed it repeatedly.

god the omnipotent lord of creation knows everything, except what you’re going to do next. god the supreme ruler of the universe can do anything, except stop you. you have a little piece of god inside you and it lets you defy the most fundamental machinery of existence basically whenever you like.

if that’s not funny, i don’t know what is.

(via siftingcolourskaleadoscope)

aquilacalvitium:

the-haiku-bot:

ask-agent-sanders:

moonlarking:

aquilacalvitium:

pond-porridge:

oysters-aint-for-me:

aquilacalvitium:

lizluvscupcakes:

aquilacalvitium:

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I’ll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it’s funny and impossible so good fucking luck

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

By Talos this can’t be happening

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

I figured out roughly how many notes it’s been getting per day and multiplied that by the number of days left until the end of 2023

image

If we keep it going at this rate we’ll be far past 666k

IMPORTANT

Okay so clearly I’ve underestimated y'all

So how about we make this more interesting?

I will practise self care if this post reaches 666k BY THE END OF 2022

Op you have fuckethed with the devil this post has gained 30,000 notes since I reblogged it last night

Apologies all but this is for the good of this one random op.

Apologies all

but this is for the good of

this one random op.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

HAIKU BOT??? 🥺🥺🥺

(via siftingcolourskaleadoscope)

siftingcolourskaleadoscope:

wvterways:

“i used to live there” is such a sad phrase. seeing places u used to live in is an odd thing. It’s like ‘i know where the best hiding place is in there. my bedroom was the one directly to the left as you walk in. i took my first steps on that flooring. i used to play in that yard with my grandma. she died two years ago. that was the only place i ever knew. those walls contain all of my childhood memories. i can no longer go there, but i know every corner like the back of my hand.’

“So let me show you”

Gently leading them through what was once yours, watching their surprise as you open up the secrets of their new home, showing them a life-time’s worth of discovery and joy even as you strip what was once yours down to it’s bones. The passing of places if an undoubtably sorrowful thing - until you realise that it can be the most beautiful time for someone else. In the end it’s all a cycle of rebirth - you will forever know so much about that place, and eventually they will too.

For me, it’s bittersweet, knowing its the start of someone else’s time to wander those halls and make their own memories. But I can make it that little bit easier to bare by showing them around, introducing them to the neighbours, the crows, the suburban wildlife.

In the end, I have far more experience losing people than places, but any ending is a chance for something new, and those memories are yours to keep - and to share.

skylagamingv2:
“kessira:
“ menieres-myears:
“No.
”
Yes
”
???
what does this mean?
wait, if I take the first letters…
IF YOU CAN READ THIS I’M NEVER GONNA- Ok no I’m not finishing this I can see where this is going.
”

skylagamingv2:

kessira:

menieres-myears:

No.

Yes

???

what does this mean?


wait, if I take the first letters…


IF YOU CAN READ THIS I’M NEVER GONNA- Ok no I’m not finishing this I can see where this is going.

(via siftingcolourskaleadoscope)

tytoalbion:
“biglawbear:
“expensivemagiccc:
“”
I am a GUEST and I do not DESERVE to use the good normal cups, I may only use the worst cup you have
”
Counterpoint, I am a guest and I DESIRE to use the WORST possible cup I can find that you have...

tytoalbion:

biglawbear:

expensivemagiccc:

image

I am a GUEST and I do not DESERVE to use the good normal cups, I may only use the worst cup you have

Counterpoint, I am a guest and I DESIRE to use the WORST possible cup I can find that you have hidden away

(via gallusrostromegalus)

gallusrostromegalus:

funnytwittertweets:

image

OK but, that’s actually how it’s done.

I’m vastly oversimplifying this but, The organization that wants to do a pollen count puts out a bunch of sticky microscope slides out in various points across the region they want to do the count in, and after 24 hours, bring the slides in and

Literally
Count
The
Pollen
Grains
On
Each
Slide

they break the pollen up by type (Tree, Grass, Weeds and Mold Spores which aren’t technically pollen but in terms of allergies they function much the same way) and run the numbers through a few equations to determine the average amount of different types of pollen across the region.

So yes. The Pollen is literally counted,

And that shit is tiny as fuck.

inneskeeper:

multitrackdrifting:

>thou art with thy betrothed caressing her
>carrier pigeon arrives
>parchment reads “of what art thou engaging upon with my daughter, foul knave?”
>inform the fair maiden
>yfw her father was slain in battle months prior
>THEN WHO WAS CARRIER PIGEON? 

it was just really slow stop being mean :(

(via caputvulpinum)

zoanzon:

assiraphales:

assiraphales:

filmmakers and audiences and critics alike all need to start suspending their disbelief again

‘this doesn’t make sense’ so?????

image

important edition

(via catnippackets)

moreglitter:

fullmetalfisting:

fullmetalfisting:

My boyfriend has to go to the ren fair for work but i can come and he wanted to do a matching costume. He was like “I want to be Frodo” and I was like “oh cool I can be Shelob” which was, apparently, not the couples costume he was thinking of

I was like “babe she has the most screen time of any woman in Return of the King” and my boyfriend was like “that cannot be true,” looked it up, and said “i can’t believe that’s true”

image

finally a strong female character who doesn’t shave her legs

(via caputvulpinum)

schaduwen-deactivated20220817:

image

this slide in my lecture today. fantastic